Relationships: What Makes Them Last

The start of a relationship is the easiest because it’s new and fresh; you’re still getting to know one another, but once you get past the “honeymoon phase” actual work needs to be done in order for the relationship to last and thrive. Once you’ve put time in and you’ve pretty much learned each other, and identified each other’s flaws and positive characteristics, this is where relationships tend to decline because you’ve gotten comfortable. You’ve won in a sense and the pursuit is over; and because of that, on a subconscious level, you are no longer putting your “best foot forward” for lack of a better term to impress your partner. There’s always going to be a moment when you and/or your partner will become comfortable within the relationship, and that doesn’t necessarily mean the relationship is over, but at this point you have to apply some type of work and effort to ensure the relationship thrives.

You Have to Learn How to:

COMMUNICATE

I feel like this should go without saying, but communication should be number one in your relationship, I believe it sets the base for everything else. Communication should be present in your relationship in general because it’s what keep the two of you connected and understanding of one another; it is what helps you to be able to grow with one another within the relationship. It is also important because it let’s you and your significant other know where the knots are in the relationship and it also identifies the problem solvers. When problems arise in a relationship, and I say when because it’s inevitable, communication between the two of you will allow you or your significant other to identify where they are unsatisfied or what they feel the relationship is lacking and the dialogue between the two of you helps you to be able to come to a resolve together. Decisions in a relationship cannot be made by one person, it should be a joint conclusion because there is no resolve if the solution is not beneficial to both parties involved. Also it’s important to recognize that communication in every relationship will not be the same, you have to learn what works best for your relationship and implement that. Some people may have a hard time physically speaking their mind in front of their partner or their partner may constantly cut them off when they’re speaking causing them to loose their train of thought; I believe writing down what you have to say either on paper or as a note on your phone and giving it to them to read (in person) is a way to ensure that you properly get your point across.

COMPROMISE

Once you’re in a relationship it is no longer only about you, you now have to consider the feelings, emotions, wants, and needs of another individual along with your own and a lot of times that calls for compromise. Compromising is a two way street just as every other key in this post; if you’re in a relationship where you’re compromising for someone but they aren’t doing the same for you, nothing is going to be accomplished in terms of happiness, in fact it may arise feelings of resentment. The point of compromising is to come to a middle ground in order to “keep the peace” in the relationship for lack of a better term. There are different levels to compromising; it could be on a minuscule level like choosing a movie or a place to eat that your partner will like rather than making the decision solely for yourself. But it can also be on a larger level such as deciding where to live when you’re looking to get your own place or some other life altering decisions (sidenote: I wouldn’t recommend those type of larger level compromises unless your relationship is a strong and serious one that is on a marriage level). Don’t get me wrong though, those minuscule compromises are very important in relationships and usually determine how appreciated someone feels within the relationship. Doing things for your partner that you wouldn’t normally do on your own just shows how much you love and appreciate them and the value you hold for the relationship. Take each other out on dates, buy each other gifts, and do cute little gestures every now and then just to continuously remind that person that you’re still there for the relationship.

You Need to Be:

DEDICATED

Dedication is a word that just means you actually want to be in the relationship for the long run. If both of you are not dedicated to making it work, then you’re wasting each other’s time. Dedication is needed to ensure the highest amount of effort is given at getting past obstacles and even avoiding certain obstacles within the relationship. To be dedicated to a relationship you have to completely love, accept, and value the person for who they are within your relationship and in turn know that you have to give your effort in order to continue in making your partner and yourself happy within the relationship. This isn’t only about being dedicated to communicating with and compromising for your significant other in order to make them happy, this also means that you have to make sure the same is being done for you and that you give yourself 100% into every aspect of the relationship. Not every moment of the relationship is going to be peaces and cream; it isn’t always going to be sunny skies, and during those moments the most dedication is required because you have to be able to work and see beyond that.

DEVOTED

Sometimes the two are used interchangeably, but I look at devotion and dedication as two separate words with connective meanings. Dedication refers to your determination, enthusiasm, persistence, etc. while devotion refers more to a love/faithfulness, to something or someone; the two words are connected though because dedication is impossible without devotion. You can’t be dedicated to making your relationship work if you aren’t devoted to the individual and the relationship. If you aren’t 100% in terms of exclusivity and commitment, if you do not truly love the individual and the feelings that they bring then you won’t be driven to properly communicate or compromise with them for the sake of the relationship.

With that being said: both of you need to be devoted to one another and the relationship in order for things to work; you can’t try and apply this in a relationship where you already know or feel you aren’t respected or valued because you’d just be wasting your time and adding insult to injury and vice versa. Devotion can easily be identified through the things that occur within the relationship; words can be deceiving and potential isn’t enough, if he/she isn’t making you and the relationship a priority then the devotion is absent. 

Be honest with yourself in your relationship

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theblackgirldiaries

I'm just a regular degular shmegular girl from Brooklyn that decided to start a blog.

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