Two topics, one post:
I decided to do this because it’s just two things that irk me about relationships and social media. First, being a sidekick or “home wrecker” now-a-days is like praised and seems to be a comfortable lifestyle for some men and/or women. I have my own theory on how and why this became a thing, but I’ll save that for a post for another month. Secondly, I’m constantly seeing “goals” posts in general and while I believe making somebody else your goal or aspiration isn’t mentally healthy, when it comes to relationships I just feel like appreciating love is one thing but looking at someone else’s relationship to determine what’s suppose to go on in your own isn’t necessarily the best way. While there are some general relationship aspect every couple should share, I’ll go into more detail on what I mean later on.
This is a pretty weak post this month for me because I have a little more going on than usual. I’m still in my second year of college working towards my bachelor’s degree so I decided to take a class this summer semester while still maintaining a part time job and it’s all very much out of my comfort zone, so I’ve been trying to keep myself balanced and my blog just had to be the thing to suffer, it seems. Once I get the hang of managing my time I should be able to produce more content that I’ll be to my standards for the fall and winter. But either way, I hope you guys enjoy this post and feel free to rebuttal in the comments.
Relationships Should Be Personalized
After comparing 4:44 off Jay’s album to Bey’s Lemonade album, a variety of mental conversations began which led me to want to write this post. 4:44 is an apology for being a fuckboy, simply put and while there was a lot of layers to the song in terms of relationship stuff, it was just finally proving what a lot of people already thought and others were in denial of: that Jay-z cheated on Beyonce. I’m not trying to get into talking about their relationship, so I’m just going to keep it as short and simple as possible: after listening to that song and referencing Bey’s album it really got me on this whole “Bey and Jay are relationship goals” thing that people have been on for years. While everybody doesn’t use relationship goals to mean they want to actually emulate the relationship, people see how couples are living on social media or wherever and forget one of the most important aspect of the relationship, which is love.
While I feel like there are some basic foundational aspects within every relationship, there is no blueprint or rulebook for what solidifies a relationship. Of course communication, trust, honesty, and all that good stuff (I talked about this in my two previous posts, you can check them out here and here), but when it comes to what your partner should be doing for you or vice versa I believe this is where personalizing and understanding your relationship is very important. Giving gifts and going out on dates are two things I feel should occur in every relationship in some consistency, but just because you see Bianca on a date with her boyfriend at some nice expensive restaurant on Snapchat or Trey showing off some new Yeezys his girlfriend got for him on Instagram it doesn’t take value from your relationship if both or one of you can’t afford to put out that much cash. Whether you and your significant other can keep up with the Instagram couples or not, material things should never determine your relationship and you should always be appreciative of what your significant other does for you because at the end of the day it’s a representation of their love and appreciation for you.
It’s fine to appreciate the love couples share through social media because it’s positive and beautiful. It’s also okay to find inspiration in it, to want to be loved with the an equal intensity, but attempting to mimic your relationship after two other individuals is like setting yourself up to fail. The beauty of love and relationships is the bond you share with the person; if you are happy and in a healthy relationship, recognize and appreciate that.
You Don’t Truly Know Their Relationship
In a lot of situations people are longing to be loved by someone so bad it eats at them. They watch couples on social media and even out in public and become so envious that they convince themselves that having that particular person they’re watching in a relationship is going to allow them to experience the love that they’re missing out on since it’s failed so many times within their own relationships – or that’s just what I’ve determined. Loving yourself is the most important thing and you should never look to another individual to give you happiness or determine your value.
Before I continue, home wreckers in this context refers to individuals that decide to find a way to become the wedge in a relationship simply because of envy or jealousy. They want either individuals in the relationship (obvs. depending on sexual preference) because they believe being with that specific individual is going to lead to them being treated how they watched them treat their current or previous significant other. The term home wrecker is not one I believe in though, I’m just using it for lack of a better term. Wrong is wrong, when it comes to knowingly going after someone in a relationship but blame definitely needs to be placed on the individual that stepped out of the relationship more than anything because simply put, nobody forced them.
With that being said, I think it should go without saying that following someone on social media doesn’t mean you know them personally and I believe it goes the same for relationships. You see the “cuffing” pictures and videos, cute posts about how much they love each other, they’re taking trips together, getting money together, cute little captions and all that, but just know that every relationship is not perfect and somewhere in that relationship there’s conflict. Even physically witnessing two people interact within their relationship doesn’t signify that you know anything about what goes on behind closed doors. For one, any individual that can be “taken” is not someone you should want to be with. There are those rare moments where a person can grow and remain committed and faithful in that second relationship, but more often than not: how you get them is how you lose them. Secondly, because you don’t know what goes on behind closed doors you really don’t know what you’re getting yourself into, they can be abusive or have some other characteristics that you shouldn’t or wouldn’t be willing to put up with.
I believe going after someone in a relationship is something you shouldn’t do obviously for all that I’ve already said, but that does not mean you should settle for less. There’s somebody out there for everyone and the time will come when you’ll feel so overwhelmingly loved; wait for that.